Archive → September, 2011
Individual Experience Theory: Defeating Approach Anxiety and Improve your Dating Success
As you may know from reading my Personal Development blog posts, i talk alot about how vital authentic 1st hand experience is in the real world ( as in the one you see in front of you right now) An example can be found here: New Theory for why every PUA is right
So an idea i came up with lately will give you a sure fire way to get rid of any remaining AA and simultaneously help you get rapid results with women. It is a theory and a frame of mind, i currently use it whenever possible and it is a great way to approach not just your interactions with new women, but with anyone you have just met. I highly recommend reading The Power of Now and Introducing NLP to help you out with this, they are also 2 of the 3 of my self named “Pillars of Life”
People in general will always related what they see in front of them to past experiences, its impossible not to in some respects. I remember when i was studying philosophy, in one class the lecturer began by saying to me “Whats that in front of you” ….I said “Its a chair”, he then replied with…..”How do you know its a chair”.
That one question spawned a massive debate, my reply to him was that i knew it was a chair because i had seen one before. But then he debates that i couldn’t have seen that exact chair before. Then we got onto the Theory of the Forms and all of Plato’s shiz. It was fun. Anyway the reason i pointed out this example is that as according to David Hume, a Scottish Philosopher; we have a presupposed harmony in our brain that lets us learn from experience which i agree with fully. If we have a memory of us falling down the stairs, then whenever we see stairs we will stay away from it. Its the reason why most people have phobia’s, they have a past memory that they are relating to the present moment.
This is all the same with our experience of women, if we have bad success in the past, then we will relate it to the present moment, so if we see a lovely young lady we want to approach, we wont because we will feel fear based on what happened last time. But in actual truth…..the person in front of us we have never seen before in our life!! Isn’t that a mad thought…..we fear things we had never seen until that moment. How can we fear something we would have no previous knowledge of? The horrible reality is that we relate everything we see to what we already know or have been brought up to believe, which is why we are judgemental of cultures, religions and politicians. Sometimes its for the best, if we see a big tiger coming towards us we know to run. Our brain chooses certain beliefs and rules based on our own experiences and what we have been told, in order to protect us and make sure we Survive. But it can be for the worst, in the past i have been given abuse and racial hatred by alot of people because i am Jewish. I met a girl once who i got on so well with, until when she asked me where i was from and i said my Dad was from Israel…she told me how her family had brought her up to despise and want to kill my kind; she was half Palestinian. That took me away….the thought that we can hate people we have never met, only because of what we have been brought up to believe.
But the solution is simple, anyone can conquer their past and have the ability to treat every new situation as brand new, its actually very simple.
A little bit of fact for you all; every single person living or dead is different in some way…FACT. No 2 people are identical, even twins. Why? Because they have all been exposed to different experiences through their life. Experiences create beliefs and values in our brain, they are what govern our life. So if this is factually true, then it is safe to assume that judging someone new we meet based on someone we had met like them before would be stupid. Its like saying any British person you meet drinks tea and eats crumpets! Its not just stupid to assume that but unresourceful.
For men and PUA’s trying to better their skills with women this is what you should do……TREAT EACH NEW PERSON YOU MEET AS AN INDIVIDUAL. By doing this you will actually communicate better with them because it forces you to interact and listen to what they are saying because you have never heard it before! Each moment will be brand new, each moment will be a new experience. This also will cure you of your Approach Anxiety, heres why…… If the rule the fact that every person is different is true, then that means you do not know what is going to come your way, it is unknown what will happen. So….how can you fear the unknown. If i was to hold up a piece of plain paper in front of you and say to you “FEAR THIS NOW”….would you be able to……no! Unless you were scared of the colour white, or paper!! You would not know what to do, try it. Get a piece of paper out look at it and say….”This is what i fear” Your brain will get confused.
What most people dont realise is that any book or material on how to communicate better, presupposes a definite reaction from the person you are communicating with, which is obviously impossible. However this “Individual Experience Theory” presupposes that you have never experienced this situation before, therefore have to interact fully with it to understand it. You will be forced to use all your senses to gain as much information from the person in front of you as you can. Your skills for communicating will go through the roof. You will start to create a new and powerful system of beliefs in your mind. You will be….a Super Human.
Try it out everyone and get back to me with your thoughts.
Your main man Sam.
Powerful Questions, Adapting to your Environment and The Effects of a High Carb Diet on an Energetic Sam Ben-David
Hello, Bonjour and Holla to all my readers out there
Its been way waaayyy too long since i have written on here. So long that i actually have an urge to just blurt everything out at once, but unfortunately we arent built with the ability to write as quick as we think. Damn you god!!
The last week or so has been a mad one, spent 5 days on a reality Dating TV Show which was a really interesting experience. I cant say anything about it yet, but once its out i’ll write something about it for you all and will let you also know when my episode is airing. The whole experience though taught me so much about myself and life in general. Being put into a new environment that you have never been in before will ALWAYS change you in some way. But then again….does it? Because once you leave it and go back to the environment you were in before, wouldn’t you just go back to how you already were? My friend Aziz said something to me a few weeks ago that really made me think when i was on the show….he said ” I don’t believe people change, i believe people just adapt to the environment we are in”. I do agree with this to some extent….we do just simply adapt to whatever environment we are in….but….then again we don’t… When i came out of the tv show and back to where i live, i found that i was….different. More care free and more In The Moment. Why? Maybe because i was taken out of my regular routine and everything was more fresh when i returned. So maybe we don’t change….and maybe we dont adapt….maybe we just Grow…..maybe every experience gives us something extra that we didnt have before.
Something else i discovered from my time in there…..i am used to eating a fairly low carb diet , but while we were in the house i was eating alot higher carb than usual. The funny thing was….i actually lost weight around my belly while i was in there despite eating completely different to what i thought was good to eat!! I was blown away by this and have been trying to figure out how it happened. To lose weight safely you have to manipulate your carb intake and burn more than you take in….simple, despite what people think it is fairly simple. But then again….this hasn’t worked too well for me. While in the house i was up early and going to bed later and probably burning more than i would on an average day but was eating high carb and losing weight. One thing that is true to weight loss and bodybuilding is that….there isnt one thing that will work for everyone. Or in other words…there is no truth to what works and what doesn’t. In some cases obviously this doesn’t apply. But what i am getting at is…to figure out what works it really is best to try a few different things. Which is something i should have been doing but havent because i was sure that what i had read was right because it seemed….logical. So this week i am experimenting with higher carb eating and seeing how it effects me with weight loss, mood and just general well being.
We in general just dont know whats right or wrong, there are so many options in the world that its impossible to know what can be the exact way and i mean EXACT way to do something. One thing i do know is right is something i have been doing and using alot lately….something i call Powerful Questions. They are simply questions I’ll ask myself that are the direct opposite of another question. For example….you may want to do something like approach a girl in a club and will say to yourself before “What if she rejects me?”. The powerful question you could ask yourself for this would be…..”What if she accepts me?”. Doing that will make you visualise all the amazing things that could happen if she embraces you, instead of thinking of all the negative things that could happen if she rejects you. The ultimate Powerful Question you could ask yourself would be the opposite of “What if i Fail?” which is….”What if i Succeed?”. The best thing you can do is make a habit of asking yourself these questions when and i mean WHEN you ask yourself the negative questions. It is soooo so so helpful.
So…. there’s a little round up of a few things popping through my mind.
Ooooo as well…..i have made a decision that i want to do the Tim Ferriss thing and have mini-retirements every few months. My current job means i only have to be in the city i live in 1 day a week…meaning i can live in other cities for 5/6 days a week. So what i am going to do is move to Leeds for a few months for July and August and then move back to Manchester for September and maybe October. Then somewhere else like Liverpool or Newcastle, then maybe somewhere small and in the country side . Basically keep it to the North of England and within easy train access I may go home for a few days too to Essex, i miss my dog Charlie, he is amazing. So anyway…As long as i have Internet Access i can work from anywhere in the world 5 days a week….Isn’t the world we live in now great!!
Anyway thats all for now.
Take care everyone.
Sam
StereoMood
Hey guys,
Just want to share a great new site a girl im friends with showed meeeeeee.
Stereomood is simply a site where you can play playlists of songs that match your current mood. The main page reads;
“behind every song there’s always an emotion. we don’t know why but maybe that’s why we love music.
so we’ve created a way to suggest songs that follow your feelings: stereomood is the emotional internet radio, providing music that best suits your mood and your activities.”
I fell in love with this site as soon as i started clicking away on the moods and then listening to the songs that came up, hell me, Sarah and Alex are all sitting in my lounge now listening to the Energetic playlist on my laptop right now!
Before i had an epiphany ( as i always do when im on the toilet !) as well….the site gets you to play playlists of songs that match your current mood…..but what you could also do is think of a mood you want to be in and then play that playlist. For example if you are sad you could play the happy playlist. Or this will help alot of you reading….if you are finding it hard to get to sleep….play the sleepy playlist.
Moods simply represent states you are in, what state you are in is simply dependent on things like your physiology, mental thinking and any external stimulus’s. Things like music can change your whole state.
So basically….use this site well and you could be in some positive states more often
Sam
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